I took a trip down "Memory Lane" as some people would say. Some parts were comforting and others were not so much. From infancy to adolescence is documented in a picture book that was given to me by my parents on the day of my Graduation. They day that life became real and wasn't so much of a game anymore.
Where does time go? And how did I manage to find myself in this situation I'm in. I never thought I would make it to the age of 21 in the darker more dramatic part of my life. Life didn't seem easy most of the time and I thought that it wasn't worth the work. Here I am though 21 looking back on my life and it's completely amazing to me the things that have happened.
Memories and pictures of childhood make my heart melt because those times were priceless. Childhood was absolutely amazing for me. I had friends and the biggest worry in my life was who I was going to hang out with at Recess. Could life ever go back to being that simple?
My adolescence was a different story. I put myself in the most horrible and self destructive path that made those years something that I wish I could forget all together. I look back on the photo's and the girl in the photo is not me. She is a sick girl, that always had a pretend smile on he face. She spent most of her time being "sick" and striving to be "sicker" than any other person. Self pity was her best friend and she fed off it. I look at that girl and think what a sad situation she made of her life in that moment. I'm wondering if there is any benefit from that period.
My light during that time was softball. I was good and strived even with everything else that was going on to be the best. And I was. The best of friends, the "trio" Me, Kayla, and Kenna. You could always count on us to be together and tight knit. We loved every minute of it. Softball was our life. Never thinking that we would actually miss it as much as at least I do now that I don't get to play it everyday. It kind of shows me how I took advantage of that in my life. And so now I take every opportunity to play.
After high school I struggled a great deal to "find myself" but never did. Do we ever "find ourselves" as some people would say? I sought comfort in the relationships and almost made the biggest mistake of my life. I don't know what changed my mind, maybe God, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
So this brings me to my current situation where I'm sitting here thinking.... I can truly say, and I haven't been able to in ages that I LOVE MY LIFE. Yes, I still continue to go through trials and have my crappy days but I have realized that I have people in my life that I love and that I can enjoy things with. How many people can say that? There are people out there who have no one and don't have the support that I do. I've realized the self hatred and self pity that I had been living with for years did me absolutely no good. We have our WHOLE life. We have times of trials, happiness, sadness, anger, and so much more to experience. I have so many things to look forward to in my life that have yet to come.
Where does time go? And how did I manage to find myself in this situation I'm in. I never thought I would make it to the age of 21 in the darker more dramatic part of my life. Life didn't seem easy most of the time and I thought that it wasn't worth the work. Here I am though 21 looking back on my life and it's completely amazing to me the things that have happened.
Memories and pictures of childhood make my heart melt because those times were priceless. Childhood was absolutely amazing for me. I had friends and the biggest worry in my life was who I was going to hang out with at Recess. Could life ever go back to being that simple?
My adolescence was a different story. I put myself in the most horrible and self destructive path that made those years something that I wish I could forget all together. I look back on the photo's and the girl in the photo is not me. She is a sick girl, that always had a pretend smile on he face. She spent most of her time being "sick" and striving to be "sicker" than any other person. Self pity was her best friend and she fed off it. I look at that girl and think what a sad situation she made of her life in that moment. I'm wondering if there is any benefit from that period.
My light during that time was softball. I was good and strived even with everything else that was going on to be the best. And I was. The best of friends, the "trio" Me, Kayla, and Kenna. You could always count on us to be together and tight knit. We loved every minute of it. Softball was our life. Never thinking that we would actually miss it as much as at least I do now that I don't get to play it everyday. It kind of shows me how I took advantage of that in my life. And so now I take every opportunity to play.
After high school I struggled a great deal to "find myself" but never did. Do we ever "find ourselves" as some people would say? I sought comfort in the relationships and almost made the biggest mistake of my life. I don't know what changed my mind, maybe God, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
So this brings me to my current situation where I'm sitting here thinking.... I can truly say, and I haven't been able to in ages that I LOVE MY LIFE. Yes, I still continue to go through trials and have my crappy days but I have realized that I have people in my life that I love and that I can enjoy things with. How many people can say that? There are people out there who have no one and don't have the support that I do. I've realized the self hatred and self pity that I had been living with for years did me absolutely no good. We have our WHOLE life. We have times of trials, happiness, sadness, anger, and so much more to experience. I have so many things to look forward to in my life that have yet to come.
