Your beauty unfolds

Like the sky parting

To reveal its tragedies,

And she only cried

For a minute

Your love is inconsistent

Like the rising

And falling

Of  tides in the ocean,

But she gave it her all

Kept tiredly trying

To convince herself

But like a tree

In the wind she swayed,

Hoping not to fall

Chained to the feelings

That kept her bound in the night

And you’ll never know

These feelings she felt

While you were holding her tight

SCHUYLAR CROOM

He is Legend

Letter to a Gypsy

Guard your comfort my dear, guard your heart,

as the sailor takes locks of hair,

and prisons a piece of cloth or picture.

The wealthy have overbought and undersold their memories.

Even if they duplicate your treasures,

they still will never love them

for the reasons you have learned to love them.

It’s a painful mistake on her part,

to try and become someone just because that someone may

be happier,

prettier, truly more free.

But she will not learn that.

And out of everything you can give her, you cannot teach her

to love herself.

She is Midas in a world of unpolished gold.

And you are a goddess with no care for shiny things.

Be flattered my dear. Because your beautiful soul is sparkling

never the less.

And she sees it.

And can’t stand that with all of her riches she can’t by your

happiness.

I think you are the kindest soul I can’t ever meet.

And if guarding your simple joys is the only wrong you are

doing

then I think you are more noble than I.

You deserve your treasures,

and a true gypsy would never let them out of sight.

I will give you a chest with lock and key.

And I will help you fill it with goodness.

If you don’t want me to know where you have buried that, I

will respect that too.

Just remember that no money can buy a shovel long enough to

dig down into your heart.

Hell or high water my love.

You are so big in my world

My heart feels heavy tonight I have no idea why at this moment.

I've been super encouraged lately to be kind and loving. I notice stuff all the time now that I wouldn't have before. I can sometimes judge people a lot and when I catch myself I wonder why? Why do I feel the need to make assumptions about people that are probably far from true?

My aunt’s eyes were completely yellow tonight, which is never a good sign. Mom said that is a sign of your liver failing. I feel for Richard and his family as well. How can you go from fine one day to seazuring? Then to find out he has cancer too, in his brain where there is no fixing it. I just don't understand. I don't understand at all and it makes me want to crawl into my bed under my blankets and never wake up again. I couldn't imagine being in either one of these families heartache right now because I know I feel like mine is unbearable for them right now.

Although there is so much pain in this world god has still brought me so much happiness. I have never been happier in my entire life. Things are going so well and I am such a lucky girl. I thank god for everything and everyone he has given and brought into my life. I truly could not be more blessed.

From the Long Sad Party: Mark Strand

Someone was saying
something about shadows covering the field, about
how things pass, how one sleeps towards morning
and the morning goes.

Someone was saying
how the wind dies down but comes back,
how shells are the coffins of wind
but the weather continues.

It was a long night
and someone said something about the moon shedding its
   white
on the cold field, that there was nothing ahead
but more of the same.

Someone mentioned
a city she had been in before the war, a room with two
   candles
against a wall, someone dancing, someone watching.
We began to believe

the night would not end.
Someone was saying the music was over and no one had
   noticed.
Then someone said something about the planets, about the 
   stars,
how small they were, how far away.

I figured i'd take this break time from my studies to write some things i've been thinking about today. I was going to try and take a couple classes for the summer but I think i'm reconsidering my decision. Although, I would like to I don't want to have to worry about the monthly payment for just a couple months in addition with all my other bills that I feel are consuming my life. I pray to god I get my finances under control.

I keep finding myself getting lost in music. In my car to drown out all the stresses of life and my thoughts I turned the radio up and just listened, right now to erase the numbers and math formulas that are clouding my mind. I came home and my mom was watching "of mice and men". I do like that show however, I have a hard time watching it without this devastating feeling of sadness that consumes me every time. So I plugged my headphones in and listened to music once again to drown out the sound of the saddest part in the movie. I've realized I like to shield myself from things that make me sad because the feeling is unbearable to me. I HATE the feeling of being sad. It may be wierd to say but when you have had your share of sadness, hatred, and self pity (which i'm not proud of) you don't want to find yourself feeling that way ever again.

I think i'm going to go watch Jess play today which is nice because I never got to see here play. Which means I should start chipping away at this math review again. :(

I’m watching the show “coming home” I’ve seen the commercials but have been hesitant to turn in on considering my eye’s instantly tear up whenever I see them. It makes me feel like I shouldn’t take anyone for granted in my life. I want to live every day to the fullest with all the people I love and care about.

I have such a blessed life. Of course there are things that I wish I could change but those are just minor things. I spent this morning at church first in service second in the pre-k room. Service was amazing, about trusting god. Which I think we could all take some lessons on not to mention I got to watch my favorite band. Second service I was in the Pre k room and even though I only had two kids in there I realize how much I’m going to miss it after this month. Those kids just put a huge smile on my face. The way they literally talk about nothing and are so rambunctious and funny, they melt my heart.

Then there was lunch with the girls and the most supportive person I’ve ever met. He listened while we talked about Grey’s and crying at silly episodes. It was fun.Took a couple hour nap which was good to relax. Did some other things and went for a walk. The sun was shining and we walked down the street to butler. It was the best part of the day. We sat on the swings like little kids and I just took it all in. There were no words, I just listened to all the noises around me. There was a slight buzzing noise coming from the school and I could hear two small girls playing somewhere in the distance, the sound of the wind blowing and a basketball bouncing on the ground, which was going flat if I might add. There was a light creaking noise coming from the swing that I swayed in. His make no noise as he sat there still. We made our way to the playground and it reminded me of being a child. Those innocent days, I miss them so much sometimes. Then we sat on top of the monkey bars like grade school kids talking until the wind started and the cold settled around us. It sounds silly but those are the moments I live for. You can gain so much perspective and so much clarity by doing simple things like that. It clears my mind and I feel like I can face many more days.

I love my life, I love God and what he has given me, and I love the people in my life.