I officially had a change of mood today. I am still slightly tired but I think that's due more to the caffeine pick me up that I've decided to abandon in the mornings. This month has gone so fast and I can't believe it's over. It's not even our "busy" month which is next month. We had some things going on but October is bringing us much more. Couple baby showers which it exciting, (I love shopping for baby stuff), couple weddings to attend, Seth is playing in a concert, I am getting my wisdom teeth out, and I could probably going on. My change of mood came when I realized that it's only 9 days until I have a little over a whole week off. Now, that's when I'm getting my wisdom teeth out but it's still 8 days without having to drag myself out of bed, get half way ready and go to work/school. The awesome thing is as well, is it is fall break so no school either. I shouldn't be down for long but I will be swollen and not wanting to go anywhere. This is going to be a time to Veg for one and catch up on things. I won't be getting to stuff my face either which is good.

I'm trying to cut down on my caloric intake especially when it comes to sugars and sweets. I can't believe what I've let myself fall into. I have trouble going a day without eating some sort of cake/candy/ice cream/ donut, you name it. It's kind of depressing actually I'm just fortunate that I haven't blown up like a balloon... Yet! This is a time to change the patterns... I want to look good when I get married don't I?

News that Kay might be moving out. Sad, but so good for her and me. Since she doesn't see a wedding in her near future it makes sense for her to move out. A little disappointing that no, I won't be getting the basement to myself for the time being but whatever. I'll move into the bigger room where I won't be bothered as much. I am however going to be insanely jealous that she is living on her own doing what she pleases but my day will come. 

School is starting to drag which is what I expected. It gets hard about 2 or 3 months in. I'm still staying on top of things and I haven't fallen behind I just have to continue this. I don't want to play catch up, as hard as it is to stay motivated it's worth it.

I think Seth should be moving down here soon if I'm taking our conversation the right way and I can not wait. It will be so much better to be closer and for him to be able to save money and relax a little more. I was just thinking the other day and I know I'm lucky but I have never dated someone who lives so far away from me. I don't know how "long distance" relationships work, I don't think I could handle it. I see Seth everyday with some exceptions but I just don't know. I don't know how I would deal with not being able to see him often. I applaud those who have had, gone through, or still going through a long distance relationship. (Random thinking)

Last night I had the most unsettling dream. I've never had a fear of losing someone so dear to me and right now on some days it seems to be smothering me. I try and not think about it because it only brings stress but my dreams won't let me. When he's by my side I never have these but when he leaves they come back and they are vivid.

Last night I was so tired and I didn't even feel it until I laid down to watch a movie. Didn't even start the movie and I was out like a light. I think that was about 10:30 or so. It was strange. I think the stress of school, work, and always going is catching up to me because some days I don't feel like moving. I am so Happy though and so content with things. Things are moving along and they are great.

We went to this little hole in the wall restaurant last night and let me tell you, it was freaking delicious. I'm really liking the different things we try because I've realized that most of my life I have been missing out. Curry is my new love and also Pha? I think that's how you spell it. I don't know how to explain it but Seth would say "it tastes like Christmas" which is amazing. Maybe I'm more obsessed because I've only tried them once but I want more. They are GOOOOOD.

Things are going well. Seth should be moving down here in about a week or so and I am so psyched for this. I hate his long drive homes at night. It kind of scares me. I think him being down here will alleviate stress for sure. I'm looking forward to this.

This weekend should be good. Tonight is my Grandpa's birthday and I am excited. Tomorrow is church and then hanging out. It should be good, it should be chill, it should be relaxing. I'm looking forward to it.

So, my cooking skills surely are expanding. My goal is to get really good at it. In the past few months I have made fajitas, breakfast burritos, banana bread, this chicken and rice bowel, and so much more. I never really thought that I would love it as much as I do. It makes me feel excited for when I'm married and can cook consistently for someone else. I'm bound to get so much better.

This weekend was so much fun. It started off on a shaky beginning but went absolutely fabulous. Saturday we went to a birthday/ house warming party which was fun. I'm really trying to be more social in my life. It's a tough thing but it's getting easier. I never really realized how much this was an issue in my life. Today we went on a random adventure. I couldn't sit in my house for another minute so I suggested we take a drive up the mountains. It was amazing! We visited a waterfall that I frequently go to and after that ended up at donut falls. It was such a beautiful hike. I really want to do the whole hike and make it to the top. I think we're going to go back next Sunday and do it. The leaves are changing and they are so pretty. I kept a few from our hike and put them in my scrap book. (I know I do weird things) I'm looking forward to next weekend.

I can't believe tomorrow is already Monday. I'm not ready to go back to work but I am never on Monday. I just hope this week goes quickly. I can't believe September is almost over already. It just blows my mind! The year is coming to an end and I'm excited for things to come....

Some Pics from our hike

 There was so much cold in the air last night.I left thinking a Jacket would cut it but unfortunately I was wrong. We didn't make it to the Fair like I had hoped. It was mostly my fault because I couldn't stop changing my clothes and pacing back from my room to Kayla's. I hate those nights that your so psyched to go out and when you are getting ready nothing seems to look good and the night changes to draggish. It's the worst. We did end up going to see contagion last night which was good.
 The weekend has started for me ( a day and a half ) which I could say I wish it was more but I'm lucky I at least get that. It seems like there are so many things to fit into one weekend. I really want to go to the fair and I really want to go hiking and we have parties and practice and all of this. Just so many things. I think I'm going to hang out with Kay and Anthony on Sunday to watch the game and I think it will be fun. I love watching football and I have to keep up on my fantasy :) I just wish Seth was going to be there!

Things may never work out the way we think or the way we think we'd like them to but, they always do work out and when you realize that you don't make the calls and you don't get to decide 100% percent of everything thing that happens in your life you become more content.

Old memories surfaced today unexpectedly and it was a challenge for me. I was really encouraged this morning at school for whatever reason. As I was sitting there in class day dreaming just a little, it occurred to me how I can sometimes be so disorganized. I made a plan in my head to come home and literally go through everything up and down. I was feeling pretty psyched. Although it takes much energy I love deep thorough cleaning/ throwing out old junk that clearly isn't needed. I don't get to do it much cause I don't have that much time in my days. Anyways, so there I am walking in to Walmart kind of distracted by different things but trying to stay on my path of where I was going so I wouldn't buy unnecessary things when I look up and there he is. My heart sunk and I felt like I might have puked. I continued to walk and we walked right past each other with out saying anything. Which in my opinion I preferred. I don't know if it was the right thing but it was better than standing there having a conversation with someone you can't forgive. (I know not a good thing) I was so caught off guard that even though I went there for a couple of things I grabbed the main thing I needed and got the Hell out of there. Some would say my reaction to this situation was un called for but I don't.
I was feeling better when I started my journey on de-cluttering and cleaning. As I was going through things I found some things I wish I didn't have. A reminder of the past that I thought I had forgotten and gotten rid of, but I hadn't. It put a damper on me. I keep every card that I recieve from someone for some strange reason but it's days like these where there is some good to this. In my frustrated mood and all around interesting morning I picked up a card that in that moment was just what I needed to hear. From the person who I love more than anything in this world. The words on the page softened my heart and it was the best thing in the world. These are the times where I realize that the little things in life are so important. A valentines card down the road can raise someones spirit who's having a bad day.
I ended up cleaning for about 5 or 6 hours straight and although I'm so damn tired right now I feel accomplished. Things are clean, the walls are bare ( I took all my posters down) and I feel content. I wanted to box up the silly childless things that reminded me of my past. Not that I don't want to look at them from time to time but this is the time where I need to start building my adult life and stop hanging on to childish things. I don't know if I'm making sense but it sounded better in my head. Anyways, that was my day. It's been good and productive.

Tomorrow is Friday and I'm so happy. Looking forward to doing some fun things and hanging out with fun people :D

I'm trying to give up coffee, in the mornings it's really hard. I feel tired and I want to take a nap at my desk. I have no energy and I actually really don't like it. The benefit of giving it up though is that my afternoon headaches seem to have lightened and sometimes I don't even get them. It's kind of nice!

There are so many things to look forward to. I can't believe September is half way over. It feels like it's just started! I can not wait until October though. I love Halloween, it's my favorite holiday :) I'm getting my wisdom teeth out next month also which I'm not to stoked on but it's about time I get them taken care of. My old softball coach is taking them out which is truly a blessing because he says he'll take whatever the insurance pays for the procedure. I probably couldn't afford to get them taken out otherwise so I'm counting my blessings for that. I have a couple wedding receptions to go to next month which is exciting and I think that's about it. My excitement mostly stems from Halloween. Oh, and that the leaves are already starting to change. I plan on hikes and being outside this fall!

I'm looking forward to this winter. By the end of the summer I'm usually looking forward to the cold weather. I want to try and go snow boarding a couple times and definitely can't wait for sun dance in January. It's going to be great.

School is already getting old. I love school but have lost some of my motivation for it. I hope I can find it soon!

For some reason lately I've been thinking a lot and have come to the realization that I can not WAIT to have my own life. I love love love my family and everyone in it so much but I want my own space, my own house, my own clothes, my own shoes, my own life. Is that such a terrible way to think because sometimes I feel like I'm selfish because I feel like that. It's not that I don't like sharing it's just that no matter what I have it never seems to be my own. I've lived like this my whole life and I guess it never bothered me up until this point. The fact that when I need quiet I don't get quiet because a radio is literally blasting in the other room or the fact that I can't cook whenever I want (I've come to quite enjoy cooking and want to try much more) or that when I just want to be by myself it's impossible.  I'm not trying to complain I'm just more or less saying that when that day comes when I can live with me and the person who I love most, it will be the most amazing feeling ever!

The weekend was good. t was a two day weekend which I don't get much anymore but it went by so fast I really don't know how. It was fun though and had a lot of good company. We went and saw a movie with some people from church and it was so fun. It feels so good to be invited and just to feel like you have friends in the church. I guess this is a foreign feeling to me because I've never been close to people in church in my life. But it's nice to surround yourself with good people. It makes me feel more grounded.

I'm seeing more and more changing leaves every day and it makes me so happy. I bought some boots today and I have never been more excited to buy anything in my life. I know know know I shouldn't have bought them considering I'm dirt poor right now but sometimes I have this little problem with buying things I know I really can't afford. That's why most of the time I stay as far away from the mall as I can. It's not a good place for me. I was fun though however, again great company with great people can make things so much more fun.

I hope this week goes well. It is a short week considering we had today off so we'll see! I should really be doing homework right now but I think I'm going to go to bed. I really want to try and go to the gym tomorrow morning. I need to get my act together in the health and fitness aspect of my life.

Things are going so well in life right now. School has started and it keeps me busy. I'm enjoying it! Sometimes my days roll together and I have a hard time remembering which day it is but I do a good job at figuring it out. I'm trying to take school more serious than I have in previous classes. I've just realized that I need to work hard and actually learn and take anything I can from the class I'm in. This is one of my first semesters of paying for multiple classes on my own and I'm finding out how tough it is. The first payment of my tuition wiped me out. Not to mention the books, the web page codes, the parking pass, and I'm sure I'm missing a couple other things. I don't know how people do it, especially those who make much less than I do. It's stressful but I'm doing my best to manage and stay away from stressing about it. Not to mention the help that I have which makes most of it possible.  I'm better off than a lot of younger people who are in my type of situation.

I'm trying to work off my debt that I have acquired in the past couple years. I wish I didn't make some of the decisions I made in the past years of my life because I guarantee that my financial situation would be far different but I guess the only thing I can do now is continue paying what I can and NOT acquire anymore. It's an adjustment.

Fall is right around the corner and I couldn't be more excited. The mornings are cooler and it feels so good to walk outside. The temperatures are dropping which means the leaves will be changing soon. I know it's silly to be so excited about such a small things like the leaves changing colors but I just can't wait. I love hiking at that time, it's beautiful.